Gadgets for Christmas? No way, Jose. I want an expensive Armani overcoat.


What do I want for Christmas?

Honestly, I’ve got pretty much everything I want as far as tech goes. I have a reliable computer (an iMac), a cellphone that works when I need it to (some Verizon P.O.S.) and a decent TV that I use to watch old “Seinfeld” reruns (a 26-inch Samsung LCD, which dominates my small room). I’m a simple boy. I don’t really need or want anything else tech-related. I download the movies I want to see so there’s no need for a Blu-ray or HD DVD player and the only game I play nowadays is WoW. I gave my Xbox 360 to my little brother and he enjoys playing Viva Pinata. Everyone’s happy.

So yeah, I’m good for the most part.

What I could use, though, is a crazy expensive overcoat, like the kind Jose Mourinho used to wear on the sidelines of Chelsea games (see above). I’ve been wanting one for a minute now. And when I say expensive, I mean something I couldn’t possibly afford, like this $3,000 Armani jawn. I’m talking 100 percent cashmere lining, dual interior pockets, winter-nullifying cotton exterior, the works. Screw GPS and haptic touchscreens, I need to be warm when I’m outside. If I got that for Christmas I’m pretty sure I’d be walking down the streets of New York like Peter Parker did in Spiderman 3. Top it off with a $400 cashmere scarf and a John Edwards-expensive haircut and I’d be straight money.

Like, I can’t even convey how much my life would improve if I had an overcoat like that. I’d wear it all the time, too: while I blogged, while in class, while at Queens clubs even though everyone else is wearing Sean John and has fitted New Era hats and knows all the words to every reggaeton song ever.

So Santa, hook it up. Cop me that Armani overcoat for real.