New Wristband for Lazy and Overbearing Parents Ruins Children's Lives

Right now, your youngsters are experimenting with the marijuana and having unsafe, premarital sex with toothless prostitutes they met at that diner your friends Steve says is,”always a place to find a good time.” Or maybe they’re not. But how are you to know one way or the other?

You could start by outfitting your promiscuous offspring with the ionKids location-aware Wristag. It locks on, they can’t get it off without destroying the strap. If they go more than 350-feet away, the “Base Unit” in your nervous hand will alert you to the fact using technology not unlike that used when criminals are under house arrest. If you’re Mormon, don’t fret: it can track up to four different tags at once.

Now you can really keep your child close-at-hand, making sure they never experience the real world’s heartaches, disappointments, or fun(s?). They’ll be very well adjusted indeed.

ion-kids [Product Page]